The Worstest Uniform Numbers
The third of what's Worst
The first round, the next embarrassment, here lies the final affront.
These are the Worst.
ORLANDO MAGIC
The Orlando Magic, a franchise which played in five different decades, has no retired numbers.
They’ll tell you the team retired No. 6 for “the Sixth Man,” referencing the crowd cheering the Orlando Magic and not 1999 NBA Sixth Man Award-winner Darrell Armstrong. But No. 6 is not really retired, the Magic let Patrick Ewing wear it during the 2001-02 season.
This was what Orlando betrayed its fans for:
Broke bonds for Patrick Ewing’s second choice, mind you: Grant Hill wore No. 33.
No, the Worst is No. 1, which Orlando frittered into oblivion. Penny Hardaway, Tracy McGrady.
The Magic embarrassed themselves in 2003-04, losing 19 of the first 20 games, hiring former hockey executive John Weisbrod as GM with a month left in the season. Weisbrod didn’t blame McGrady, a free agent after 2004-05, eyeing his employers with suspicion as a contract year rolled up.
"It's not his fault. It's the nature of business and timing. He happens to be coming due for this thing [his option] when our team is terrible. But you still put a team in the position where they'll sort of being held hostage to their future."
A two-time scoring champion, McGrady left the Toronto Raptors as a free agent to come to Orlando and be near his hometown of Auburndale.
"I don't want to leave," McGrady said. "I want to be here at home, but if it doesn't happen, I'll go somewhere else. I'll tell them it's just not working out, so let's both gain something from this."
But Weisbrod couldn’t stomach the thought of McGrady, who didn’t even wear skates, stringing his new club around.
"I have no intention of starting the season with an 'I don't know' [from McGrady]. That's a fair statement.’”
McGrady, however, said, "I don't know if I'll have an answer. I don't know."
"I don't think I'd be very comfortable in February," said Weisbrod, who indicated he will pick up talks with McGrady's agent, Arm Tellem, on Friday.
“I know the kid wants to stay in Orlando,” Weisbrod said. “I know he knows that, ultimately, being a champion will be hollow if he’s a supplemental player on another team.”
The kid!
Instead of letting McGrady come to camp with rookie Dwight Howard, instead of pushing McGrady’s Bird Rights until couldn’t leave money on the table to play elsewhere, instead of letting the calendar turn from “June” to “July,” Weisbrod dealt McGrady to Houston for Steve Francis, Cuttino Mobley, and center Kelvin Cato.
But only after Francis “made it clear that he did not want to play in Orlando.”
Several league executives and player agents were baffled by Orlando's hesitation because Francis would have no choice but to play for the Magic.
''John Weisbrod is setting a bad precedent by caving in to this guy,'' one agent said, referring to Orlando's general manager and speaking on condition of anonymity.
Weisbrod moved the deal through.
"It starts with how you define a superstar," Weisbrod said. "I think a superstar is defined by wins, by making the players around him better and by making the team better. On that part, my perception is a little different than most."
This is the guy who traded for Steve Francis.
“[McGrady] was one of the most talented players in the league, very popular, but I came to the conclusion he didn’t have the internal fortitude to win a championship,” Weisbrod said.
“I went to the ownership and said, ‘He can be Robin, not Batman.’
Ownership was like, hey, we love this comic book shit, keep going.
""I would be lying to say I was anxious to have Tracy back. It's not too dramatic to say that [McGrady is] the most physically gifted player to ever play the game. I think he's more talented than Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. It's about do you want to work. I'm about players with intangibles. I say that only because my favorite guys are guys with intangibles.
"Guys that want to cover Kobe Bryant. Guys that when you look in their eyes, you know you've got a game on. Maybe he'll develop into that, but I don't think he's that now."
Houston coach Jeff Van Gundy, now in charge of Robin, was taken aback:
"I am surprised at how publicly negative their management has been. It shows any player that when they make a decision to move you, you can expect the same treatment."
McGrady was similarly thrown:
“I'm pretty sure the management or organization here has some dirt on Steve.”
Steve Francis?
In Houston?
Pretty sure.
“But they didn't go that way. They kept it professional. They didn't put his business out there with issues they probably had with him. That's the difference between this organization and the organization back home."
Weisbrod received death threats, vandals visited his home:
“The FBI moved me out of my house to a hotel under an alias.
"I get harassing correspondence all the time, but when it starts happening at your house, that raises the bar to a different level. Getting e-mails is one thing, but when they start writing on your house with paint, that's totally different.
"I guess this is kind of par for the course. The trade was an emotional issue and a public issue, but really you wouldn't think it would have gone this far. But I guess there are always going to be wackos out there."
The Magic stunk again during 2004-05, in spite of Francis’ approach:
"You're going to get a gutsy effort every single night from all three of us. There's no trying to be too cute or trying to be too cool basketball from us."
It certainly wasn’t cool. In his first full season running the club, Magic coach Johnny Davis somehow led the Magic to a 31-33 record, he was fired by Weisbrod and replaced with Chris Jent, who lost eight of 13 contests.
Cuttino Mobley was traded to the Sacramento Kings midseason for Doug Christie, who chose the No. 1, shot 36 percent from the field, and asked off the team.
“I didn’t really know what to expect when I got here, but I didn’t expect this,” Christie told The Sacramento Bee after the Magic beat the Kings 114-111.
This was after a win!
“I don’t even know what to say. Disappointed is an understatement.”
“Doug is distraught,” Christie’s wife, Jackie, told The Bee.
“He’s still not over the trade, and it’s not even the basketball part of it. It’s the feel of Sacramento, the fans, the community.
“Sometimes he gets so down. . . . We have a farewell video that the Kings gave us before we left, and I’ll find him sitting there watching it, and he gets all choked up. I’ll tell him, ‘Doug, you have to stop.’”
The Magic let Christie leave the team after his comments. Weisbrod quit the Magic a month after 2004-05 wrapped, though it didn’t matter, replacement Otis Smith used a lottery pick on a guy who never played in the NBA.
Smith dealt Francis to New York the next season for “the expiring contract of Anfernee Hardaway” (as the Magic press release read), Penny was waived almost immediately.
Why did John Weisbrod take the job when he wasn’t interested in the NBA? So nobody else could have it:
"There are 30 of these jobs out there in the world, GM of an NBA team.”
You gotta lock that up.
"There are hundreds of thousands of basketball people that would kill to have them. It's not in the best interests of the organization to have a GM running the basketball team that, in his heart, would trade three NBA championships for one Stanley Cup. That's the way I feel."
Weisbrod did win a Stanley Cup ring as a scout for the 2011 Boston Bruins but his past gave NHL fans pause, he was let loose of similar positions in Calgary and Vancouver.
Gilbert Arenas and Jonathan Isaac also wore the number. The Magic need to retire No. 1, for the sake of the franchise.
MIAMI HEAT
This would have to be No. 23, which the Heat retired in 2003 for Michael Jordan.
Possibly the most embarrassing thing in NBA history. What was Pat’s presupposed transaction in this instance? Did Riley think he’d be working for Jordan at some point?
Imagine if the lottery balls rang wrong, imagine if Riley squeezed a few more wins out of his 2002-03 tank job. Imagine Pat Riley with Jarvis Hayes, and not Dwyane Wade.
(Watch that clip, those 25 points are 12 rounds with the champ. Jordan recognizing the Heat playing him for pitter-pat jabs, taking the time allotted to gather deep for the jumper. Heat play him for his arc and he shoots the line drive. The Heat anticipate a desperate reverse so Jordan cuts inward for the strong-side lay-in. Played for the fadeaway, he hits the fadeaway.
Then his knees locked up at halftime and he didn’t make another shot.)
INDIANA PACERS
I enjoyed Scot Pollard doubling his typical number (No. 31, Reggie Miller’s digits) and wearing No. 62. Dave Cowens did the same thing once, No. 18 to No. 36.
No. 3 is bad luck, Al Harrington and Haywood Workman tore ACLs while wearing it.
We’ll give it to No. 12, to Evan Turner ruining everything.
Others wore it: Tyreke Evans, Travis Diener, Kevin Ollie & Michael Curry and 64 percent worth of “miss.”
Lester Connors but in the 90s, Damien Wilkins but at age 38, — MARV WINKLER — Rickey Green but in the 90s. A guy named “Bobby Hooper” wore this number for the Pacers and still shot 41 percent.
Evan Turner scored 231 points on 225 shots with the Pacers. He recently made another strong point on a podcast:
The message is well-taken, though I can’t pretend Philly and Boston and Indiana and Atlanta needed more of Evan Turner and his 50 percent True Shooting Percentage.
His point is absolutely golden, however, something to remember as we approach these professionals. I’m grateful to Turner for this, even if his particular sacrifices aren’t the best example.
MILWAUKEE BUCKS
Several ways toward Worst. If you subscribe to the notion that the world needs fewer podcasters, No. 5 is for you: J.J. Redick and Stephen Jackson. Then again, Jeff Teague wore No. 5 for the Bucks and he should host the ‘Tonight Show,’ so it can’t be the Worst.
Keen on the idea that any number which Grayson Allen wears has to be the Worst? We have the list to bolster the notion: Jay Miller, John Arthurs, Wali Jones, Ron Williams, Rich Laurel, Del Beshore (who, admittedly, produced several hits before his career was tarnished by a payola scandal), old Phil Ford, Derrick Rowland, Bryan Warrick, Don Collins, Jerry Sichting, Steve Henson, Tate George. Tate George!
Darrin Hancock, Michael Curry, Litterial Green, Marcus Haislip (oh man), 36-year old Kendall Gill, Chris McCray (none of these guys have made a shot yet), Royal Ivey (still), Luc Mbah a Moute (easily the best Buck career here), Jeff Adrien, Gary Neal, Jabari Parker (bloody hell), Tim Frazier, old D.J. Augustin, Javin DeLaurier and Langston Galloway all wore No. 12.
(I did not make up the name “Javin DeLaurier” but ever onward I will be leaving restaurant reservations as “Javin DeLaurier.”)
The Worst is No. 00. Not because it is a number (it isn’t), not because Rodions Kurucs wore it or Kevin Duckworth wore it or Spencer Hawes wore it (it is a little about Spencer Hawes).
It is because O.J. Mayo abandoned it. O.J. Mayo wore No. 32 his entire career, including high school and college, which we count because he was paid athlete most of that time.
Wore it until 2013, when Mayo signed with the Milwaukee Bucks and switched numbers because the Bucks retired Brian Winters’ No. 32 after Winters became the first Buck to make the All-Star team and not demand a trade.
Mayo initially chose No. 3, alerting social media,
… yet wavered, moving onto No. 00 for 2013-14.
Mayo worked well in 2014 and 2015, the Bucks made the playoffs in 2015, O.J. hit a game-winner against the Lakers:
Yet he switched out of No. 00.
The 2015-16 season comes around, O.J. Mayo wants to wear No. 3 again. This time he follows through, his shooting dips from 42 percent to 37 percent, breaks his ankle falling down the stairs, and became the first NBA player in a decade to be suspended for drug abuse.
Mind you, O.J. Mayo has the letter “o” in his name, twice. It starts with “O” and ends with “o” and spreads nicely onto “00.” O.J. Mayo doesn’t have any “3s” or “2s” in his name, even if you look at it sideways.
Yet Mayo (“Oo-00”) left No. 00 for No. 3 because “00” was a no-go.
And then Spencer Hawes picked it up.
PHILADELPHIA 76ERS
The Sixers didn’t retire Chet Walker’s number after seven seasons and 59 playoff appearances with the club, including his 23.3-point, 8.8.-rebound mark in the six-game 1967 NBA Finals, a Sixer championship capping the club’s dominant, 68-win turn behind Wilt Chamberlain.
Since then? Damaging. Fred Foster, Luther Green, Leroy Ellis, Terry Furlow, Earl Cureton, David Wingate, Dave “Gross” Scholz, Tharon Mayes, Jeff Malone, Don MacLean, Tom Chambers, Jerald Honeycutt, Damone Brown, Marc Jackson, Rodney Carney, Darius Songaila, Xavier Silas, Elliot Williams plus Ben F. Simmons and Danuel House Jr., Sixer fans were probably happiest with Earl Cureton’s turn with the franchise, and little else here.
No. 25 is not cursed, No. 25 is Chet’d. Needs retiring, hasn’t done the Sixers well since THE SIXTIES, man.
This number turned Ben Simmons into Jerald Honeycutt. Scratch that, Jerald Honeycutt had way more game than Ben Simmons.
NEW YORK KNICKS
I spent weeks on this, here is where I lost it:
Not long after I strolled down an Uncanny Valley with Joe Smyth …
… a person who may or may not exist, whose number with the New York Knicks remains “unknown” according to Basketball-Reference.
No. 2 is pretty bad: Keith Van Horn wore it until he was dealt for lesser forward Tim Thomas. Then Jamison Brewer, Maurice Taylor, Fred Jones, the second acquisition of Tim Thomas, Nate Robinson, pretty cool, but Raymond Felton, Landry Fields, Langston Galloway, Maurice Ndour, who, whatever, but Luke Kornet and also Wayne Ellington.
Nothing much beyond the sensible Rory Sparrow and the stand of the great Larry Johnson, who compared his Knick teammates to “rebellious slaves” after he was fined for cursing out two NBA PR employees and to his everlasting credit did not back the fuck down:
Johnson, who has an $84-million, multiyear contract, didn't take back anything he said Tuesday, saying it's all "a hundred percent true. Ya'll know it."
When asked how he could compare being a millionaire athlete to being a slave, Johnson said: "No one man can rise above the condition of his people. So, I am privileged and honored by the situation that I'm in, no question. And this is a beautiful country, the best country. But it's not holy, it's not righteous.
"Here's the NBA full of blacks, the NFL, (too). Great opportunities. Done made beautiful strides. But what percentage of that are black people who have made their strides? And when I go back to my neighborhood, I see the same thing. I'm the only one that came out of my neighborhood. Everybody else is dead, in jail, on drugs, selling drugs.
"So, I'm supposed to be honored and happy and whatever just by my success? Or that brother's success? Yes, I am, but I can't deny the fact of what has happened to us over years and years and years, and we're still at the bottom of the totem pole. I can't turn my head to that. That's my point."
Champion.
The answer is clearly No. 13, however, worn by the team’s best player during its roughest run (Ray Williams) plus Mark Jackson plus a trio of hard luck cases (Luc Longley, Malik Rose, Joakim Noah) minding scores of unloved pups (Jerome James, Sergio Rodríguez, Shelden Williams, Henry Ellenson, oh man, Evan Fournier).
But mostly Mark Jackson. Wrong kid died.
SOMETHING SPECIAL
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