Picking our way through 2022-23

The teams we got right, and the teams we got better than right.

I looked back at my season previews to conclude how they’ve held up, and I made jokes.

CENTRAL DIVISION

The Chicago Bulls finished 40-42 and I guessed 38-44 because, like many of my fellow Bulls fans, I turn most melancholy in autumn.

The Pacers finished 37-45 and I guessed 24-58 because it was two rookies plus Aaron Nesmith, the way we all used to think about Aaron Nesmith.

The Cavaliers finished 51-31 and I guessed 46-36 because I can’t stop getting things wrong about the Cavaliers, I didn’t even pick Evan Mobley for Defensive Player of the Year last week.

Detroit finished 17-65 and I guessed 30-52 probably because a Piston fan signed up for a free subscription the week before I wrote the Piston preview and I badly wanted to convince ‘SaddiqBae88’ to pay the five bucks.

Milwaukee’s Bucks went 58-24 and I guessed 52-30 because I’m sorry, Jrue Holiday, I’m sorry.

All your three-pointers looked angry in 2022-23, Jrue Holiday, most of your defense did too.

SOUTHLEAST DIVISION

That’s not a joke. Two of these teams should combine to form the Birmingham Barons, the other three should form a bluegrass band that never records or plays in public.

Atlanta finished 41-41 and I guessed 46-36 because picking 41-41 for the forever-fair Atlanta Hawks is hack.

Washington finished 35-47 and I guessed 36-46 because I thought the Wizards signed Tony Wroten to promote backcourt depth at fourth guard but it turns out Tony Wroten hasn’t played in the NBA since 2015.

Charlotte finished 27-55 and I guessed 30-52 because I one hundred percent thought Michael Jordan would sell the team and suit up.

Miami finished 44-38 and I guessed 48-34 because I thought the Heat would finally conclude the nightly will he play?/won’t he play? consideration concerning Udonis Haslem.

The friction never resolved. Heat coach Erik Spoelstra refused to play Haslem until the season’s final game and look what happened:

On a nightly basis, Haslem’s 20-plus points is worth at least four more wins.

Orlando finished 34-48 and I guessed 22-60 because I thought the team with the top overall pick and prohibitive Rookie of the Year favorite would turn in the same amount of wins. Maybe I assumed Jonathan Isaac would convince his teammates to refuse COVID protocols or sign up for a bunch of weird social media portals. Plus the Magic have Greg Anthony’s kid, you know Greg Anthony has Reince Priebus’ number on his phone.

MOUNTAIN DIVISION

It’s the Northwest Division.

NORTHWEST DIVISION

Denver finished 53-29 and I guessed 52-30 because I thought Nikola Jokic would be suspended one game after animal rights groups reacted unfavorably to Jokic letting his horse lap champagne from a ice bucket inside a Denver-area strip club.

The horse was caught on camera telling the bartender, hey, the last time I saw a cork that stubborn was

Minnesota finished 42-40 and I guessed 50-32 which means the guy you’re reading already credited the KAT/Gobert pairing for 50 wins.

Oklahoma City finished 40-42 and I guessed 22-60 after claiming they hadn’t “turned a corner,” and maybe I should turn my mouth shut.

Portland finished 33-49 and I guessed 40-42 because I thought Jusuf Nurkić (and Portland’s resultant top-five offense) could make it through a whole season. I didn’t think Jusuf would melt into Matisse Thybulle, I didn’t know it would rain.

Here’s another problem: Damian Lillard thinks the NBA lottery is entirely made up of 22-year old juniors from Weber State. It isn’t, it is constructed of teenaged names you’ve never heard of.

“I don't have much of an appetite for building with guys two and three years away from really going after it,” Lillard said at his Sunday exit interview. “We get Shaedon [Sharpe] at 19, and he's just different. His disposition and the way he listens and his mentality, that's enough 19-year-old and you won't find one that has come along the way he has.”

That’s the good part.

“But I just ain't interested in that, and this is not a secret. I want a chance to go for it. If the route is to do that, that's not my route. I think we're all in line with knowing what we’ve got to do to put a team together to go out there and get something done.”

The Blazers finished the season on a 2-19 tear, no team tumbled like this troupe, 35 days ago Portland was 31-34 and 2.5 games out of the No. 6 seed.

PDX was out of the Play-In race before Nurkic fell for good, and this isn’t a dig at GM Joe Cronin for keeping quiet upon trade deadline, but Joe better hit this summer. The hit doesn’t have to be clever, it doesn’t have to amaze Daryl Morey, it just has to play defense and hit jumpers.

Utah finished 37-45 I guessed 30-52, telling readers the Jazz were “good enough to fight for a postseason spot” but never telling the mettle within me to burl over …

… and give this roster the 37 wins it deserved.

PACIFIC THRILLVISION

Golden State finished 44-38 and I guessed 52-30 because I didn’t anticipate every trillionaire on this team hiding from Silicone Valley subpoenas on the road like Shaq.

L.A. Clippers finished 44-38 and I guessed 48-34 because I suppose I missed John Wall and John Wall’s passes to the corner more than I let on.

The Los Angeles Lakers finished 43-39 and I guessed 44-38 because after all of it, they’d still have Anthony Davis and LeBron for some of these games.

Not all of them. But some.

Phoenix finished 45-37 and I guessed 52-30 which means both Phoenix and I have some explaining to do but Phoenix has Kevin Durant and doesn’t care and Phoenix has Kevin Durant so I don’t care.

Sacramento finished 48-34 and I guessed 30-52 because nobody told me they had a goddamn beam. Why didn’t anyone tell me about the beam?

ATLANTIC DIVISION

Philadelphia finished 54-28 and I guessed 52-30 because Montrezl Harrell and Doc Rivers on the same team, that’s why, two extra losses.

Toronto finished 41-41 I guessed 46-36 because I always forget, everyone eventually gets sick of the guy with the guitar.

Boston finished 57-25 and I guessed 53-29 because I didn’t think anyone would have the security to keep doing this in a basketball game:

Brooklyn finished 45-37 and I guessed 48-34 because I thought player/coach Kyrie Irving would be tremendous in his first half-season.

New York finished 47-35 and I guessed 37-45 because bing wrong, people, bing wrong. I’m sorry.

SOUTHWEST DIVISION

Dallas finished 38-44 and I guessed 48-34 because I didn’t know Dallas planned to tank this season. Should have known when the Mavs showed up to camp with that frontcourt.

Friday was embarrassing. We also should have known it was coming.

Someone finally valued a lottery pick over a quick trip through the Play-In. Mark Cuban stared down two potential play-in games, mild revenue, and dug in on keeping his Mavericks out of the playoffs, definitely the correct move. People reacted, other people reacted at those reactions.

I’m just mad I didn’t see it coming. Of course this would hit in the third year of the Play-In, of course it wouldn’t take long. Of course it would feature a team in danger of losing a lottery pick protected exactly to No. 10, the Play-In’s outset.

And of course Mark Cuban would smirk his way into a conversation. Like when you haven’t heard from Joe Rogan in a while but somehow Joe Rogan’s there again, agreeing with a disgraced scientist over the idea that billion-year old panspermia splashed into fermented banana peels and that’s the reason humans can recognize the color spectrum. Also aliens.

It isn’t an edgy conversation, the only reason we didn’t anticipate it earlier is because nobody thought a team fielding Luka Dončić for 66 games would win but 33 of them. Cuban’s argument to his pair of All-Stars is nothing but a pitch, I held you out because we’d dominate the Play-In because you guys are so amazing, and we’ll trade the pick for veteran help.

We’ll see if that market lets him. When you betray your fans plans so publicly, the other 29 GMs tend to notice.

Many Maverick fans, maybe most, support Mark’s move. They know this Dallas roster is not stopping the Nuggets four times, let alone the Pelicans in the Play-In, let alone the Lakers and their paid-off referees. The problem is basketball keeps on chooglin’ past the great ideas, it only takes from Friday through Sunday afternoon to change a mood.

On the season’s final afternoon the Lakers barely won at home despite splaying it all out there against Utah’s second tier. Minnesota imploded. The Pelicans are tremendous defensively but great players aren’t as bothered by tremendous defense, and Dallas has two of the greats.

The Western Play-In doesn’t look so daunting at the moment, and Dallas coulda been there. Throw some superstars into Sunday’s Maverick 138-117 loss in San Antonio (the Spurs won the first quarter, 42-14) and Dallas has a win. Throw anything at the Jell-o-molded spinal column we call “the Chicago Bulls,” and Dallas wins on Friday. Dallas split its pair against Denver with Nikola Jokic in the lineup this season, the Nuggets have never looked more permeable.

But, a good draft pick. A whole entire person!

Luka Dončić doesn’t want to go anywhere, it would take a major fissure to upset him, and the Mavs didn’t trade for Kyrie Irving without knowing he’ll demand nothing less than a maximum-length contract to stay in Dallas. Right?

This is the team, this is the plan, and this is the price of doing NBA. This is the payment for the NBA’s entire campaign of chilled-out, parity-rich regular season basketball. All but three teams went for it in 2022-23, it was a tremendous regular season.

There are four ways to tank, the way Dallas done did it (in one visible swoop), the way Detroit and Houston and San Antonio done did it (from October), the way Utah done did it (at the trade deadline), or the way Portland done did it (in the last month).

The NBA’s followers enjoy swapping future picks for primo players as much as fandom abhors a 41-win dullard. We got our big trade, and Mark Cuban’s smirk is what we have to sit through sometimes.

Houston finished 22-60 and I guessed 24-58, because apparently I was the only one listening to Stephen Silas.

Memphis finished 51-31 and I guessed 52-30 because in Indiana we take firearms to strip clubs all the time and only rarely get in trouble (because cell service isn’t great here).

New Orleans finished 42-40 and I guessed 44-38 because I thought Zion would at least hit 30 games, which is silly, all that time I spent at medical school should render me far more cynical.

San Antonio finished 22-60 and I guessed 28-54 because I had no idea they’d trade for Devonte’ Graham.

The Spurs created more pressing intrigue.

HUGE SPURS NEWS

I know many of us were moved by Sandro Mamukelashvili’s work as San Antonio’s starting pivot in Friday’s loss to Minnesota:

Leave it to Gregg Popovich to fire up another one of his center controversies.

This is going to be all over ESPN and Twitter this week but I might as well get in before the discourse becomes tiresome: Zach Collins was named Spurs starting center for 2023-24.

I know what you’re thinking: Jackie Butler vs. Francisco Elson, all over again.

I don’t know why Gregg Popovich just signed us up for a summer’s worth of drama, especially after waiting months for him to throw Khem Birch in for a few snaps. Birch never lifted off that bench, and Collins is already named starter.

“He’s made it. He’s going to be the guy at five for us,” coach Gregg Popovich said Saturday.

The San Antonio Express-News did not reach out to Sandro Mamukelashvili for news on his demotion which is fine, because it’s going to be Sandro Mamukelashvili Instagram Watch all summer.

What Sandro Mamukelashvili likes, what Sandro Mamukelashvili says in the comments, who he’s following, what organizations he’s unfollowed, this is how these things play out in 2023.

Collins averages 11 points, six rebounds, a block and three assists in 23 minutes per game. He started 26 of his 63 appearances and, as I’m sure you’ve already read or heard on radio, the Spurs went 10-16 in his starts.

Popovich also passed along Zach Collins’ most recent injury update, mostly for Pardon the Interruption:

“His finger is swollen and it looks like some sort of infection,” Popovich said. “He’s back with the doctor right now taking a look at that so it doesn’t get worse.” 

Between the injury and the starter’s insurance, the media was left for gaps to fill in and, as always, ran to Keita Bates-Diop for the payoff quote:

“He’s really, really good from that top spot,” Bates-Diop said of Collins’ high-low passing. “He knows the angles, he knows how to lead guys.”

KBD. always trying to get in the papers.

Thank you for reading! Get the app that broke that Nerdbomb’s brain:

DEEP IN KENTUCKY

Why, yes, this is from the same songwriter who brought you “Follow Me to Louisville.”

We’ve got a whole NBA Playoffs ahead of us, all the goofball series previews and game recaps, won’t you join in?

Play-In previews hit next!